The old saying that opposites attract can be all to true. However, what seemed cute, quirky, different and admirable during courtship can become annoying over time. When it comes to Personality Types the differences between Judging (J) and Perceiving (P) can be the cause of much frustration and fraying of nerves.
Let's have a quick review of P and J characteristics for those not familiar with Personality Type theory. P and J are choices on a continuum regarding how we deal with the outer world. J likes things organized and given a choice want to quickly come to a decision. P likes to go with the flow and given the choice want to gather more data. J in the extreme will jump to conclusion with the first little bit of data. In the extreme P will continue to gather data until the search is exhausted and only then decide
A strong J will do almost anything to avoid revisiting a decision. A strong P never met a decision they wouldn't be willing to do over. Js feel better after a decision and are apt of overlook important details while gathering information. Ps usually feel better during the process of gathering information and are apt to second guess.
How do these factors play out in a marriage? Let me tell you from experience. When my P wife would say, "Dinner is ready." I, the J in this marriage, would drop what I was doing and come to the table. However, in my view dinner was far from ready. It was in fact still cooking or my wife would have been already distracted by several more choices of how to serve it.
By contrast if I was cooking and said, "Dinner is ready." It was on the table and quickly getting cold. My wife would be finishing something and on the way from the bedroom to the dining area would start a load of laundry, write a note to the mailman, and feed the dog.
Dinner is now more of a pleasure because of Personality Type education. Now when I cook I give her the good old football two minute warning. "Honey it will be ready soon." This is followed by, "The table is set." Then I might ask, "What do you want to drink? Now when my wife says, "Dinner is read." I come to the table with different expectations. I come to help with the preparation. I set the table and dish out the food.
Knowing about Type can get you to church on time and help you pick movies to watch. If you are the J don't give your P spouse four choices. Make a suggestion and be willing to move on if it is not acceptable. Similar adjustments can be made for all kinds of conflict areas.
Avoid both procrastination and jumping to conclusions by working together! Remember that their weakness is your strength and visa versa.
Let's have a quick review of P and J characteristics for those not familiar with Personality Type theory. P and J are choices on a continuum regarding how we deal with the outer world. J likes things organized and given a choice want to quickly come to a decision. P likes to go with the flow and given the choice want to gather more data. J in the extreme will jump to conclusion with the first little bit of data. In the extreme P will continue to gather data until the search is exhausted and only then decide
A strong J will do almost anything to avoid revisiting a decision. A strong P never met a decision they wouldn't be willing to do over. Js feel better after a decision and are apt of overlook important details while gathering information. Ps usually feel better during the process of gathering information and are apt to second guess.
How do these factors play out in a marriage? Let me tell you from experience. When my P wife would say, "Dinner is ready." I, the J in this marriage, would drop what I was doing and come to the table. However, in my view dinner was far from ready. It was in fact still cooking or my wife would have been already distracted by several more choices of how to serve it.
By contrast if I was cooking and said, "Dinner is ready." It was on the table and quickly getting cold. My wife would be finishing something and on the way from the bedroom to the dining area would start a load of laundry, write a note to the mailman, and feed the dog.
Dinner is now more of a pleasure because of Personality Type education. Now when I cook I give her the good old football two minute warning. "Honey it will be ready soon." This is followed by, "The table is set." Then I might ask, "What do you want to drink? Now when my wife says, "Dinner is read." I come to the table with different expectations. I come to help with the preparation. I set the table and dish out the food.
Knowing about Type can get you to church on time and help you pick movies to watch. If you are the J don't give your P spouse four choices. Make a suggestion and be willing to move on if it is not acceptable. Similar adjustments can be made for all kinds of conflict areas.
Avoid both procrastination and jumping to conclusions by working together! Remember that their weakness is your strength and visa versa.
About the Author:
Dr. Geoffrey Schmitt has been a student and teacher of Personality Type Theory for many years. His scholastic dissertation is Personality Type as a Road Map to Spirituality. He has written extensively on the subject at his website site "The PeopleSmith.com" and has written an eBook, "How to Understand People" He is available to churches and businesses for workshops and workshops.
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